🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?